Shepherd of My Soul
Healing PTSD from Psalm 23
Life after a tragedy is full of psychological trauma, and emotional crises. Not only did I lose my family but I also lost my mind. It was a double tragedy for me. The first tragedy was my family being taken away forever. The tragedy struck me when I was a teenager. I was not mature enough to handle the ongoing psychological trauma. The second tragedy was I lost my mind. A moment after I regained consciousness, as a young teenager sitting on the dead bodies of my family, I could not understand what was going on in my life. Emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, and spiritually, I was dead—I could not feel, think, or reason. I was like a zombie. How could any young teenager handle such a tragedy?
That tragedy struck my life on that day and stayed with me for many years. I thought I could never be the same person again. I had no idea how to cope with such trauma along with grief, depression, anger, and bitterness. The battle of psychological trauma was very deeply profound.
My journey of healing emotional and psychological wounds was very uncomfortable and painful. I went through a lot of struggles. Several times in my journey, I was doubting that my Shepherd was far from me. He could not hear my cries. When deep, dark depression took control over me, I felt tossed into the deep dark valley of my life--it was where I needed my Shepherd the most.
I have learned that meditation and prayer are the most effective way of healing. I realized that in the deep dark valley of my life, I needed to rely on the Shepherd of my soul. He helped me to walk through my journey by acknowledging my dependency on my Shepherd. Meditating on the Word of my Shepherd and talking to Him through my prayers helped me to realize that He walked with me in the journey. It helped me to stay close to my Shepherd. It also helped me to realize that His love endures forever.
“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit” Psalms 34: 18
My Shepherd had saved me and delivered me from the deep dark valley of my life. Now, I am able to feel normal again. It required much emotional energy to rely on the grace of the Shepherd of my soul to bring me from emotional bondage to freedom.
This small book has nothing to offer you by way of a scientific concept. This is not a psychology book on how to deal with PTSD. It is a devotional book dealing with my personal psychological and spiritual warfare. I am simply writing from my own personal experiences as a PTSD sufferer. In fact, this book is no different from my first two books, except that here I have chosen to tell the story through the perspective of Psalms 23. In addition, I share more details about my personal struggle with PTSD. In each of the six chapters on Psalms 23, I have included a “Your Review and Reflection” section for your personal studies and devotions. These sections will help you examine any hurt and brokenness in your life. You examine your heart through each question and contemplate on it.
I hope and pray that as you read this book it will help you learn to meditate and reflect on your own journey. For me as an ex-PTSD sufferer life after a major loss is a matter of learning how to cope with emotional and psychological crises and traumas. The more I learn about my own emotional and psychological crises the more I become aware of my need to depend on the all-sufficient grace of the Good Shepherd of my soul.
My ability and strength are limited for I am just a little broken sheep who needs to learn to follow my Good Shepherd of my soul who leads me on in life. I might not be a good and healthy sheep but I constantly remember that the grace of this Good Shepherd is sufficient for me. He is the Good Shepherd of my soul and in Him I lack nothing. I learn to surrender my life to Him, to trust Him, and allow Him to lead me to green pastures. I allow myself to be restored by His grace. I learn to overcome my fears. He prepares me to meet my enemy. He abundantly blesses my life. What more do I need from such a Good Shepherd? Only the Shepherd of my soul can heal a broken soul like me.